I've hit a writer's block as I'm trying to finish my 7 page paper. I managed to pull out one paragraph besides the intro I wrote a week earlier and now sitting here in Tapex watching Janice Dickinson's documentary on her terribly sad yet glamourous life.

Today's been a shocker. I don't even know how my final went because I was so tired taking it that I fell asleep a few times and woke up to find my answer sheet half filled. I definitely didn't do well in lab now that I got my practical back, but I sort of expected it. Fate plays dirty tricks and false hope does no better. I keep on thinking that maybe this just isn't meant to be. But then I've always believed in making my own way through life. It just seems like every obstacle takes me twice to three times the amount of energy to get over than other people's misery. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair because I know I work hard, yet I don't get results period. It is quite depressing to realize that maybe you just don't have the talent for something you're interested in. Does this mean I should give up and pursue another? The prospect of starting over terrifies me like a child's fear of the darkness. Where do I belong in this world? As a dentist? As an artist? As a nobody? I need something to direct me. Right now I'm blindly running and hoping to catch up with the bus that I hope to ride on one day. When is that day? When is everything going to be certain?

Now I'm left witih 5 minutes before this place closes and still a good half of my essay to write. Motivation'll be helpful around now. Maybe a haircut will help....

THANKS FOR ALL THE INPUTS. I'll post a picture of what it'll look like after I get it cut. short. straight :)

I absolutely cannot handle apathetic people. They disgust me. Yes, I understand that by not doing anything, you're not hurting the world. If you haven't realized, you also don't benefit from anything. So why are you existing in this world eating up all the resources?

It's election week at my university and I'm campaigning for a friend running for a prestigious position. I've involved myself enough to observe and put in my own interpretations of the past few weeks. I see the ugly side of politics and the lies politicians make - but I BELIEVE in this person that I'm advertising. He's my friend and he's genuinely set out to do some amazing things if he is elected. People have called me delusional, naive, confused. I AM NOT any of those things - in fact, I'm more of a realist than most people I know. I don't fancy over silly things such as nice jewelry and minimize the superficiality of being a girl. I DO know that I want this campus' academic scene to change. I WANT more studying hours at main stacks. I WANT more opportunities to meet professors and carry a normal conversation. I WANT to better my experiences here at Cal. Is this delusional thinking? Apathetic person A tells me that none of the candidates will do anything to benefit me. It's just a waste of time and energy and the candidates are all the same. To me, they are drastically different because of the backgrounds and experiences they've had that prepped them to run for the position. I'm voting for who I THINK will do a better job. That's a BIG difference.

To those self-pitying minions, you are a waste to this society. You can just ponder at your looking glass all day long. No one cares and no one WILL care at the rate you're heading. Why? Because no one knows what you want from this community. Ghandi couldn't have worded it better, "Be the change you want to see in this world." If you don't...then you really are just one of the billions of people on this planet...living your life without the experience of that something better.

Some say elections are not crucial - someone will win in the end and will better our community. I agree...but I want the person who will do a better job to win. It's up to you to decide who that person is and tell the world about him/her. That is making a difference for the better.

**This is not a political advocacy/bash for anyone in particular**

Lastly, to Apathetic Person B: I'm truly sorry we are friends. After my conversation with you, I realized you're just one of those people who don't believe in anything. Ten years from now on, I can see you not caring about anything in particular either, if your attitude continues. I don't know if I want to be friends for that long and have to cringe at the beginning of similar conversations about life. Like someone I admire once said, "I only make friends with those who are passionate about something. Anything."

- I hope she reads my blog -